Coming through the Foghat

My heart is troubled tonight.

I’m not going to go into graphic detail, but my 14 year old son is causing me some heartache that I’m not entirely sure how to deal with. I wanna emulate my Lord, Jesus. He has been oh so very very VERY patient with me, so I want to be patient with my son. But I want to make sure that he somehow ‘gets’ what I want to tell him, and that it sticks.

I’m sure my own father felt this way about me. Especially at around this age. He and I fought a lot, and he hurt me in many ways that I still feel the sting from. I don’t wanna be ‘that’ guy.

I’ve been going through a lot of emotions lately, not many of them ‘good’. (as most people define Good.) I’m coming through it all, and I want to be there for him, for my wife, for my family, for my friends, all personal and Internet.

I wanna be “THAT” Guy. One that people can kinda count on.

With God’s help and your patience, I can do it.

I so very much want to. I truly despise the self-centered asshole I feel like I have become.

Now, to lighten things up, here’s another picture:

 

This May Be A Little Awkward, But……

Sorry I haven’t posted anything in a while. Not even the useless “lists” have come out to play. I’ve had a lot going on, and while I am tempted (by the fruit of another,..) (Sorry. Songs come and go so FREQUENTLY in mah big ‘ol head) to tell y’all all about it, I’m gonna resist that temptation sort-of. I’ll spill a little. But not all.

Not yet.

I am still unemployed. But we (as in my family and I) are being taken care of. We moved to a smaller apartment, which pro-rates your rent based on income (which right now is the sole ownership of my spouse). I’m in the PROCESS of getting new teeth, and I’m gonna have a tumor removed. Sounds like a lot, right?

There’s more. Oh, there is more…

I have a long history of gobbling pharmaceuticals. Did try drinking. Didn’t care for the dizzy feeling and nausea the next day (can’t always say morning.). Like a lot of teens from the 70’s, I did smoke weed. Also ate a lot of acid. There is more, but I’m not going to give you a laundry list of drugs that have rampaged like The Hulk thru my body. Suffice it to say, I have been, and still remain,….

A Drug Addict.

And it makes me do stupid things that seem oh so brilliant at the time. Like stealing.

Which brings me to another current topic. I have, at the tender age of 52, spent my first night in jail. Johnson County, to be exact.

Add to the list of things going on, all the family hoopla that accompanies all this personal drama, and you’ve got one hot mess named ME.

But, even though the darkness may surround me, may even overwhelm me at times, may make me cry out in terror, I will persevere. Because God is taking me by the hand (metaphor, my non-believing friends) and helping me through it all. ALL. And I give Him the glory, no matter the outcome here. However this Storm ravages me, I will give praise to my maker and Redeemer.

I have found that I have many friends who actually seem to care about me. That there kinda strikes me as odd, as I have been known to alienate people by my sheer bodacious Ass-Hattery. But they are sticking by me, even encouraging me.

And for that, I am unbelievably grateful. 

So, this was not scripted. I’ve been basically writing down my thoughts as they come (on, feel the noise. Girls, rock your boys). And the awkward part is that I am not normally this self-revealing.

At All!

But maybe it is kinda therapeutic. I do feel a little better. (That may be the Mountain Dew talking)

Which, by the way, did we HAVE to abbreviate the “Mountain” in Mountain Dew? Really? MTN? I can’t even begin to tell you how it aggravates me. (Just not enough to boycott the product). 🙂

Okay. That’s enough for now.